It's interesting how a brief bit of contemplation can allow strength to return to the body and the mind. My day began with the horror of a nightmare. The memories it stirred were unnerving. My uneasiness was amplified by some negative energy on the Stream.
And so I retreated to my sanctuary. A special place of amazingly magical proportion; the Hitchcock Railway. Sometimes when I go there I spend days riding. Sometimes the resurgence is more immediate. And now, as my day comes to an end I have recaputured my strength, my resolve and my creativity.
In addition, I've learned of a new dimension to my dreamwalks. It would seem the nightmare I walked through had a much more far-reaching effect than even I could realize. At first I felt badly about that, not wanting my nightmare to touch another. But then I realized it is a type of sharing I have, up to now, never experienced. It's easy to share the good stuff. The true test of our feelings occur as we share the worst there is.
My questions are answered. I am once again at peace with the demons inside. They have evaporated into a morning mist and ride the sunrise to the heavens. Out of the ashes of contemplation comes new-found strength and perspective fresh and new.

Today I feel like the main character in one of my favorite movies. That line in the script is etched in my memory like a highway sign. When faced with another of a long progression of dilemnas, his sad eyes turned toward the camera as he said "Sometimes I get so tired. I just get tired." It is how I feel today.
I feel the same mood pervading the Stream. Maybe I'm just misreading my navigational maps. It wouldn't be my first mistake and sure as hell won't be my last. I get the magic completely wrong some of the time. My best intentions turn out to be colossal mistakes. I get tired some of the time. What I think is an infinite source of strength becomes nothing but a bucket of air.
I have drawn a lot of strength from my friendships here on the Stream and I've always tried to put back more than what I took away. I've explored and shared all that I am and all that I discover. My blog runs the gamut of expression from silly stuff to my deepest hopes and dreams and fears. My posts and my comments and my chat were occasionally misconstrued. That was never my intention. I write what I feel, what falls out of my mind at the moment. Some of it is raw and maybe a little shocking. Some is more subtle and easy to read. But everything I share is part of me. Everything I share is offered in the spirit of friendship and love.
Now it's time for me to settle into my seat on the Hitchcock Railway and disappear deep inside for a bit. It's time for me to once again become one with the magick. It is...time for a little contemplation.

And yes it IS a scary sight. Stuff scattered all about. Bits and pieces, odd shapes of thought floating randomly by. But there is a strange kind of order in all the chaos and some of it has fallen out into this post. What's in your head??

All About Me Survey Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com I Am giddy with excitement. I Want to go to the amusement park and ride the bumper cars. I Have a magic wand. I Wish all my friends on the Stream were hang'n out with me in my backyard. I Hate being angry. I Fear losing my ability to hear. I Hear everything. I Search and search and search and search. I Wonder how far is up, really? I Regret nothing. I Love with all my heart and soul. I Ache soon after I fall out've bed. I Always laugh a lot, love much and live simple. I Usually smile. I Am Not unhappy. I Dance in the moonlight. I Sing terribly. I Never look down when I'm walking high iron. I Rarely get angry. I Cry alone. I Am Not Always strong. I Lose myself in my work sometimes. I'm Confused easily. I Need fifty dollars and x-ray eyes. I Should mow the yard. Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com

I've always had a tremendous fascination with harmonies. Musical harmonies, that is. I think it's what makes playing the old B-3 so magical. The way notes blend to make harmony is amazing. And I have learned that life is like a five part harmony. How, you ask, can I reduce life to such a simple equation? I like to think of it in terms of the five senses.
Because I can never decide which of my senses I value the most, I'll just ramble through them at random:
Touch is what allows us to discover life's textures. The touch of a lover's hand on my face. The touch of the wind and the touch of the sun. The touch of warm rain falling down on me. The touch of emotions strong and warm, resounding through my mind, deep behind my eyes.
Sight is what makes me smile at every morning sunrise. Sight is what brings me tears when I see someone sitting on a street corner crying in desperation. Sight is what takes my breath away as I stand and stare out at the ocean. Sight is what makes my heart beat fast when I see my soulmate's smile.
Smell is the sense that brings me a flood of memories. A certain scent of perfume brings with it fond recollections buried deep inside. The smell of rain in the air, the smell of fresh fish frying in a pan on the fire, the smells of the city, the ocean and the mountains all remind me I am truly alive and well.
Taste is that playful sense that makes me grin or wrinkle my nose. The taste of my soulmate's kisses, the taste of her body, the taste of her passion all bring me pleasure greater than life itself. The taste of smoked salmon, blackened chicken and salad greens makes my taste buds dance. Some tastes make me want to vomit and some tastes make me reach for a glass of cold milk, but it's all necessary, good tastes and bad. Taste is what gives me balance. Taste is that special sense that gives me insight and appreciation for what lies all around me in my life.
Hearing is what brings it all together and lets life wrap itself around me. The sound of my soulmates ragged breathing as she erupts in a burst of passion. The sound of laughter. The sounds of the city and the sounds of the ocean tide. The sounds of music and words, screams of ecstacy, squeals of excitement and rain falling on my roof in the early morning hours. Hearing life itself.
And when we're in tune with all our senses....life truly is... like a five part harmony come'n down all around us.

When I was young I was sure the magick lay in the music I played. It was simple. There were a hundred different rhythms reverberating through my mind. I would sit for hours, letting them spill out through my hands and feet, drumsticks in hand, right foot beating a bass rhythm while my left foot danced on the hi-hat pedal. I could lose myself in my drums.
As I became a bit older, I found myself drawn to the notes and harmonies that the rhythm accompanied. I heard music in my head constantly and I was driven to capture it. I taught myself to play keyboards, first on an old, battered upright piano. Later I discovered the wonders of the organ and finally, the immortal Hammond B-3. I still remember the first time I sat down at a B-3. I stroked the keys like I was stroking my lover. The music that flowed out of the Leslie amplifier behind me almost knocked me over. I felt like I was sitting at the feet of the gods. Over time, with instruction from those far more proficient than I, the music became more refined and intricate. I found the blues and fusion and funk. It was magick. All of it.
Then I discovered lyrics pouring out of my head. I learned to put words to the notes I played. It was sometimes frightening. So much of me poured out in the melodies and the lyrics. It was as if I had taken my soul in my hands and offered it to everyone around me. I learned to let the fear go. But only when I was playing my music. When I wasn't, I was reluctant to share so much as simple conversation with anyone other than my closest friends and they were few.
I was on a quest, but I didn't know it. There was magick all around but I didn't sense it. I was drawn to New Mexico but I had no idea why. I was like a salmon driven to traverse the currents. My spirit was spawning and I had no clue. With the guidance of a stranger named David, I discovered the magick in Chago Canyon. I began to explore the world with my words. I wrote about my highest hopes. I wrote about my deepest fears. I wrote about my perceptions of the world around me. It was magick, but I didn't realize it.
My work took me from sleepy farming towns to big cities. I discovered there were no strangers in my life, only friends I hadn't yet met. I learned from all of those I shared conversation with. I learned to read the unspoken language of the body. I learned that love comes in many flavors and I learned that hate is toxic to the soul. I learned the hard lessons of sadness. I learned to laugh and I found the strength to cry on occasion.
Somewhere in the early hours of a new summer morning the magick came to call one last time. I found it there in the glory of the sunrise and the fading of the summer solstice moon. It was during that special sunrise that the magick came to stay. It rides with me now all through my day and sleeps quietly with me during my nights. It resides deep behind my eyes and unleashes the torrent of words that flow from my mind to my fingers. It gives me strength to explore, to wonder, to love and to imagine.
There really is... a little magick coming down all around....around us all.